Archive for July, 2009

My vampire can rip out your vampire’s throat (and beat him in a tighty whitey contest).

Posted in Something that got me thinking on July 22, 2009 by Julie Mangan

I’ve recently been reading a lot of vampire books, yet one series that I have religiously avoided is Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series.
I have reasons for this.

1 – Does it strike anyone else as wrong that I can’t go to the grocery store without seeing middle aged women surrounded by kids walking around in shirts that say ‘Edward Cullen’s # 1 fan’? This is wrong on a number of levels. First, how do you measure something like that? Who’s to say the lady on the next aisle isn’t more obsessed than you are? Second, not only is he in the body of a teenager, which in and of itself makes the whole middle aged woman’s obsession disturbing, and not just a little bit desperate, but also that he was only sired mere decades ago, which in vampire time is like yesterday. He really is still just a baby considering all the more experienced vampires out there in urban fantasy.
Now, if your looking for a vampire thats a man, rather than a boy, (and therefore a little more socially acceptable for women to drool over) take a look at Karen Chance’s interpretation of Mercea Basarab, brother of the ever famous Dracula. Not only is he A MAN, and a freakin’ hot one at that, like most the others in the story, but he also becomes romantically involved with someone who is of legal age. None of this ‘born in the 1930’s so technically could still be alive and aged to the body and maturity of a senior citizen, and now scamming on a teenager’ crap.

On a related note, doesn’t it seem like a red flag to anyone else that this person who should have the maturity of an adult is wallowing in teen angst? Not exactly a keeper. In reality (and just for clarification: that is where we live), such a specimen would be branded a loser and instead of swimming in women, as Edward could be if so prone, would find himself alone. ALONE, people! I mean seriously, who ranks ’emotionally stunted’ on their top five desired qualities in a man?
Now this isn’t to say Mercea and others like him are perfect in the personality department, but at least they don’t make pretenses. They know they have problems like control and trust issues. But everyone else knows it too. It’s part of what makes them attractive. No one wants to be with someone who lives on a pedestal; it’s to much of a reminder of how perfect you aren’t.

2 – Drinking from animals: Socially acceptable, making Edward a nice, safe, non-threatening entity.

Are people missing the part that he’s a vampire? What makes a self-flagellating, self-neutered vampire attractive? Again, pretenses.
Vampires drink blood. Human blood. It what intrigues us about them. Otherwise they’re just some Jo Shmoe with a deviant diet and an aging anomaly. Anybody can score a pint of Pig’s blood at the nearest butcher or take to the hills in search of a deer to drain dry. Big freaking deal. No one would be vying for the title of Mrs. Shmoe, that’s for sure. I know, Edward fans will abound in indignation, telling me that is the excitement of it, the forbidden aspect creating intensity and drama.
You know what creates more drama? Knowing your vampire isn’t afraid to bite, knowing that he does so on a regular basis, and knowing that it could happen to you at any second.
Of course, it doesn’t mean he has to drain you dry. Where’s the fun in killing a favorite food source when it will just keep regenerating if you let it?

3 – Edward can read everyone’s mind except for Bella. Doesn’t that make her a sort of mild vampire green kryptonite? If so, then can we not also add mild masochism to Edward’s growing list of personality flaws?
Ok, now seriously, ‘everyone’s mind but Bella’. Doesn’t that strike anyone else as a bit to convenient? According to my source, the anomaly is never explained. In other books I’ve read, when an ‘ability’ fails to affect someone, at least a reason is given. Or was that just way to much world building for Ms. Meyer to be troubled with?
–Which then brings up a whole other set of issues that would take way to long to cover.

4 – Now for the conflict issue: Edward aspires to nothing more than to be with Bella.
Codependent much?
Shouldn’t a vampire novel have a higher conflict level? Something epic? So some bad ass vamps show up and start snacking on a small nowhere town. So there’s a pack of werewolves…acting benign (again, whole other issue/blog). This constitutes a problem for Edward and the fam? Every vampire novel I’ve read has characters that would promptly reduce such foes to fuel for a midnight bonfire and debauch, without giving them a second thought.
Give my vampires something difficult, please.

 

Thanks to Kim O’Connor for her input and longsuffering attitude while I besmirch her precious Edward.

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Here we have it

Posted in Uncategorized on July 16, 2009 by Julie Mangan

This married, working, mother of two has little to recommend herself to the world in general. I am neither remarkable nor overly whitty.  My life is not scandalous though it does not lack for entertainment. I don’t remember the last time I was bored.  There are not enough hours in the day to provide ample consideration to my many intrests. But for some unknown reason, I felt compelled today to start a new one, hence the blog.  What I’ll do with it, I’ve not a clue. Where it will go, I’ll have to wait and see. Perhaps it will serve as a vent for my frustrations or simply as a forum for my observations. Eventually, if my goals come to fuition it will become a source for recommending myself to those I am hoping to work with.  In the mean time, perhaps it will simply serve as a hodgepodge of …

Screw it.  Here it is, whatever it is.